![]() What follows are 5 solid reasons you wake up with morning wood that might surprise you! Are you ready? Nobody Sleeps In The Woods Tonight is available on Netflix now.While it’s easy to blame your erectile state on the need to pee (aka: a piss boner), the research suggests a lot more is going on. Kowalski is here to prove that Poland can hack-em-up as good as the rest, but past all the meatgrinder highlights, there’s not much worth digestion. Should you require reinvention, such as Cabin In The Woods? A horror diversion that subverts everything fans have memorized about their longtime favorites? Bartosz M. If you like ‘em bloodthirsty, not very plot-heavy, and of a throwback era? Nobody Sleeps In The Woods should fill that void for a violent hour-and-forty minute duration. ![]() You’re scrolling aimlessly, searching for something new to tickle your October fancy. From the twins’ makeup effects to woodchipper kills to the silliness that permeates most dumbfounding slashers the creators would claim as influential. Expect another “Don’t Go Into The Woods” riff that plays all the hits, captured by Cezary Stolecki’s standout, landscape aware cinematography, yet Kowalski commits to his film’s bit. It’s a film that remains surface-value when voicing the dangers of screen addiction because that’s just a way to stop smartphones from complicating tension, but still has fun with the theme when a priest comes to bless away the campers’ sinful tendencies (improvising a techno-horror prayer). Effects are appropriately practical whenever possible, including a stupendous ax-swing that splits a police officer top-to-bottom, guts sloppily thudding onto concrete. Where Come Play fails in its unenthusiastic usages of haunted house spooks, Kowalski’s enthusiasm emphasizes what matters most in this subgenre: mutilation. My answer is more complicated, but with brevity in mind, it’s a yes. If this were an SNL sketch about “Things You See In Every Slasher Movie,” the characters are a dead giveaway. Daniel (Sebastian Dela) is the overcompensating masculine hunk, Aniela (Wiktoria Gasiewska) the “bimbo” stereotype who wants to be seen as more, and Bartek (Stanislaw Cywka) the gay son whose lifestyle is ignored. Flashbacks reveal trauma in Zosia’s life, making her another final girl marked with a tormented past (parents died in a car accident). Julek spends most of his dialogue reciting rules from other horror movies (having sex and dying, being unattractive and dying, etc.). There’s no downplaying a scripted reliance on tropes and cliches as horror elements present themselves. Technology isn’t so evil when it’s your only hope for survival, eh? In that case, it’s watching two lumbering twins covered in boils murder your disconnected companions one by one, starting with pack leader Iza, with no way to dial for help. ![]() What’s the worst that can happen? Well, suppose you’re Zosia (Julia Wieniawa-Narkiewicz). Iza (Gabriela Muskala) takes charge of a smaller subgroup of campers and embarks on a three-day expedition with nothing but their wits and essential camping equipment. ![]() A dosage of fresh air hopes to cure addicts like Julek (Michal Lupa), a video game streamer with over 900k YouTube subscribers, of their unhealthy ways. At “Adrenalina,” counselors aim to rid Poland’s youth of their internet obsessions by going cold-turkey for a week of outdoor adventures.
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